mutant parcel from hell...

this is the conversation I just had with my mother over messenger. Verbatim. And, having reduced both me and Nina to hysterics, I felt the need to share it.

(best to read it w/ my mother's voice in your ears... if you don't know my mum, she has a Canadian accent and a very dry sense of humour, and tends to start laughing before the funny parts. somtimes she snorts when she laughs-but it's not her fault: family trait. I come from a long line of laugh-snorters.)

Joan says:
your b'day pressies got sent y'day.

Claire says:
hoooray
PRESSENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joan says:
remember that you left your pressie from Aunty Cindy? So we had one box with her present already wrapped and another one from us. In hindsight, the logical thing would have been to get a monster big box for both and fill it up with popcorn and send that, BUT in typical 1st born, single focus (your Dad) fashion we wrapped two parcels separately.

Sooooooooooooo.... There I am: 2 pkgs in front of the Post Office lady who says: What have we got here?

Me: Birfday Pressies

She: When does the one for Montreal have to get there?

Me: They're both for MOntreal

She: The same address?

Me: Yes

She: ?????????

Me: a brief explanation

She: so, they're both going to the same address

Me: Yep

She: It's going to cost you a lot to get them there by Sunday
......she figures it out, tells me and then has to wave smelling salts under my nose.......
She: but it would be less if it was only one parcel

I have visions of taking the parcels home to your Dad. This is not a good vision.....

Me: ummmmm

She: Is it ok if it is only one parcel?

Me: sure

She: OK
and she picks up the magic tape dispenser and proceeds to make 2 parcels into 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanted to make a little sign and stick it on saying: Post Office Lady Did This!!

Claire says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
super

Joan says:
Honey: you’re laughing now; wait til you SEE it!!!

Soooooooooo while she is going ballistic with the tape dispensing I notice the Valentines and think –DAMMIT we didn't put your Valentine in…sooooooo the Valentine Mum picks out a not too sloppy one

Claire says:
oh god!

Joan says:
writes in it, licks and sticks the envelope, and writes your address on the front, and puts a stamp on except mail has gone up and I need a 1 cent stamp, which she is quite happy to sell me BUT…she wants to know

"And how much was the card?"
which is now in the licked and sticked envelope.....

hmmmmmm, says I

Back to the card rack.....
Is there another card?
Is the sky green?
Is there an "F" in way?

By this time, your parcel looks like something that would not get through any customs office anywhere and certainly ain't going to make it with anyone with a packing tape phobia

there is, miraculously, only me and the PO Lady (guess everyone else who needed postal issues could feel the vibes....) still at the counter.

Sooooooooooo I pull off about 3 cards, and hand them to her price side up

She: You want three more cards?

Me: Uh no, there isn't another one of the one that's already in the envelope so I thought you could choose your price

She now gives me the look I've been wanting to give her and STILL doesn't crack a smile.
(does she do things like amalgamate people's parcels to screw Canada Post everyday????)

Claire says:
hahahahahahahaha.

Joan says:
and then charges me for the cheapest card of the bunch laid out before her!!!

I pay up, say "thanks very much" and she said (straight faced) that you could keep any mail that got inadvertently caught under the tape!!!!! You'll see what I mean when the parcel arrives if some Canada Post fanatic hasn't slashed them apart!!! Make sure your paring knife is sharp - I think the weight went up about 500gms just tape alone.

Claire says:
this sounds like the mutant parcel from hell

Joan says:
hahahahahaha
make sure you have tongs and protective clothing

The PO Lady has been handling your mail from Dad since before Lebanon
so maybe she wondered who the Hell I was sending you parcels???

Claire says:
hahahahhaha
that is the best story ever
EVER

Joan says:
just hope it gets there "in one piece"
hahahahahaha

Claire says:
piece... being relative...right?