grey.

I walked home across the reservoir field tonight at around 5:30 and the whole city was grey. The sky was pewter coloured and the buildings of downtown, all steel and windows, reflected the clouds. But strangely, it wasn't at all dark. Somehow everything seemed to glow-luminescence.

"before last night my heart was grey//like my country is today...''

Mum said that part of learning to put yourself first is learning how to be alone and not searching for other people's validation. I think this autumn is teaching me that in spades. The only problem is that learning how to validate myself is a little more complicated than I had anticipated.

Really, who eats 3 balanced meals and two snacks every day? Those people need help.

Brief joys:

Talking to Platonic Love in the library... (flutter of heart beat... ha ha ha)
Stepping out my door and really smelling autumn.
Strong tea pouring out of the elephant pot into blue and white mug half filled with milk
Solitary cigarette on the back step in the middle of the night
Trans continental gossip
chinese take out food

"we'll sleep when we're dead"