solitude...

profound aloneness right now.

leaving me at a loss for words to express my feelings...

just that right now, in the middle of the night, in a city that isn't mine- but is more mine than anywhere else- I feel small.

lonliness like the ferry waves on the beach at Gabriola... arriving unexpectedly, crashing in rhythm onto the reef. Chaos in the tidepool and random shifting of the rocks on the beach. the sound of the retreating wave, pulling the rocks further from shore and then returning them to almost where they were before. noise of waves and rocks bashing together is lodged in my inner ear, I couldn't forget it if I tried. and then...just when it seems there must have been a wind or tide shift, it stops. quiet again, the slapping and gurgling of calm waters. no matter how many times, always suprising me because by the time the wake reaches our beach the boat is long gone and for a minute I am confused as to the source of the disturbance. Which isn't really a disturbance at all... just semi-routine levity for the inter-tidal range.